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Contains foul language Can be creeeeeepy Violent
Anti-PC League

Cornucopia · 2006-12-28 13:08 by Hout

I have kids. Actually, I have three. I can’t deny that I’m quite proud. Not only of my children and my wife, their mother, but also of myself. Especially considering my phlegmatic and romantic dreamy nature. It’s hard work and we all want it done right. Yeah, busy life starts with three kids. And a relationship and a career. Well, actually two careers. Plus a household. Family life, thus. ;-)

One of the big challenges of parenting is determining the size of the role of television. All too often, I zapped into a tv show that even I myself found not appropriate. Like Iraqi corpses, American corpses, Lebanese corpses, Palestinian corpses, Somalian corpses. I’m really anticipating the nextgen tv apparatus, the one with my stored profile on board, that will recognise and intercept the broadcast (or narrowcast) of Afghan corpse.

We have all kinds of rating systems, and I stumbled upon the heaviest of ‘em all, I guess. The Kids in Mind website.
Take a look at a review for the motion picture Turistas. I mean, it’s nice to be warned in advance, but this is a bit over the top.
Firstly, it spoiled the story form me (an episode of South Park comes to mind in which they spoil the end of the movie Contact). And secondly, a real black cloud hanging over mankind, the editors really count every ‘offense’ and describe the sex ‘n’ gore in details. Who’s the sicko here?

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Mondegreen · 2006-09-03 20:00 by Hout

My first misheard lyric came at the advanced age of six, when I learned to sing “Row, Row Your Boat.” I was convinced that the line after “merrily merrily merrily” was “life’s a butter dream,” rather than the more canonical “life is but a dream.” I wasn’t sure what visions of dairy products had to do with a boat trip, but I didn’t have the courage to ask anybody.

Eventually my mistake was discovered in an elementary-school chorus class, and I suffered the humiliation that can only be experienced in elementary-school chorus classes. But although the shame eventually subsided, the pattern would repeat itself for the rest of my life. Usually, it wasn’t even a question of mulling over the lyrics and then getting them wrong. I would dive straight into a state of ignorance, and only be rudely corrected if I read a lyric sheet or heard somebody else singing the accurate version of a song.

Misheard lyrics come with many alternate names, only some of which form compound nouns when joined with the word “boneheaded.” Some of the names that have been used: Music Ear Disturbance, disclexia, chronic lyricosis, and Litellas (after Gilda Radner’s befuddled Saturday Night Live character). The technical term prized by aficionados is mondegreen. If your dictionary doesn’t include “mondegreen,” throw it out and buy a better one.

The term “mondegreen” was coined by Sylvia Wright in a 1954 Atlantic article. As a child, young Sylvia had listened to a folk song that included the lines “They had slain the Earl of Moray/And Lady Mondegreen.” As is customary with misheard lyrics, she didn’t realize her mistake for years. The song was not about the tragic fate of Lady Mondegreen, but rather, the continuing plight of the good earl: “They had slain the Earl of Moray/And laid him on the green.”

Mondegreens can be found in every area of the spoken word, from the record-buyer who asks for a copy the Queen single “Bohemian Rap City” to the schoolchild who is convinced that the Pledge of Allegiance begins “I led the pigeons to the flag.” They tend to be about primal concerns: food, sex, animals. Any misheard lyric is an impromptu audio Rorshach test. It can be alarming to discover that significant parts of our brains want pop songs to cover the lyrical topics of cheese, walruses, and clowns. Songwriters take note: There is a large, untapped market for songs about food.

A good mondegreen lasts for years, and redefines how we hear the song. I had classmates who teased me about my butter dreams well into junior high school. Even when corrected, many people rightly decide that they prefer their version of the song to the one that’s actually considered “correct”—and who would deny that “She wore raspberries and grapes” has more poetry in it that the relatively mundane “She wore a raspberry beret”?

We’ve learned not to pay much attention to the lyrics or rock and pop songs, but rather to let them wash over us and pick out individual phrases and choruses that we enjoy. (Some bands, like Pavement and the Fall, take advantage of our inconsistent ears, and write bitter, gnarled verses in what seem to be cheerful pop songs.) Some people never learn the words to a favorite song—or transmute them into something more to their own taste. My friend Alma liked Billy Idol’s “Eyes Without a Face” because she thought the title was “I supply the fish.” To my mind, this is a good thing, and not just because it lets me put out these collections of mondegreens. Pop songs aren’t Ph.D. dissertations, or instruction manuals: they’re supposed to be heard a million different ways, in a million different contexts. Customization is the only rational response to omnipresence.

So people continue to mangle lyrics, and to send me mondegreens by the bushel, either boldly owning up to their errors or cravenly blaming close friends and relatives for the mistake. And I make every human effort to separate the deliberate mishearings from those of the confused and befuddled; some of the most humiliating mistakes come from the most earnest sources. Misheard lyrics often become family legends, as evidenced by this letter from Daniel Brotschul of Gainesville, Florida: “I’ll never forget singing ‘Paperlate’ by Genesis while in the shower as an elementary school student. I thought it was ‘Paper Lake.’ When I got out of the shower, I was humiliated by my siblings, who mocked me, saying, ‘Look! You’re all wet! You’ve got confetti in your hair! Anyone want to go for a swim in Lake Memo?’”

Some folks get so confused by the lack of articulation in the musical world that they begin to mangle band names, and call Hüsker Dü the inappropriate “Who Skidoo.” This is why people mistakenly refer to Andy Gibb as “Auntie Gibb,” Hall and Oates as “Hollow Notes,” and Sam and Dave as “Salmon Dave.” It doesn’t, however, explain those who few who refer to Bruce Springsteen as “The Chief,” rather than “The Boss.”

Please do not be too quick to judge their errors. To put myself in a more charitable frame of mind, I need only recall my most embarassing mondegreen moment: singing along at the top of my lungs to a Go-Gos single at a party, convinced that the chorus was “Alex the Seal,” not “Our lips are sealed.”

This essay is adapted from the introductions to ‘Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy, He’s Got the Whole World in His Pants, and When a Man Loves a Walnut.

Source: Gavin Edwards

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145.990 MHz · 2006-02-12 15:20 by Hout

It passes about four times a day. Most of the time I am (or should be) asleep, but hey, it’s an American project, so don’t complain.
Do you know the feeling of being in space, weightless? Neither do I, but I sometimes feel I do, because of the sounds of Chroma Key or Spinvis.
I read that NASA built a satellite from a space suit. Just a personless space suit, floating through the Nothing. Macabre.
There is a radio transmitter on board, so now you know how it must sound out there. Brrrr…
You can calculate the time it orbits over here, and all you have to tune in to FM 145.990.

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Jostle · 2006-01-13 01:10 by Hout

My blogger conscience jostles my laziness. And my most loyal reader jostled me.
I haven’t posted for far too long.
I was busy jostling (no, not picking pockets).
Must … post …

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Sycophantic · 2005-09-26 23:07 by Hout

I heard a radio documentary today by Marjon van Royen, author and journalist for Dutch Radio 1 in Latin America. And guess what: George Bush is actually doing some good things there!

Here’s the story.

Cocaine gets poppier every day (wow, fun with dope ;-)). Forget XTC and shit, coke’s the deal (now stop, really…). We’re not naive, no, party people need a drug. So, where do we get it? There’s an 80% chance your snort is Colombian.

You all probably know that the U.S. of A. are investing a lot of money and effort in fighting the War on Drugs. Just as succesful as the War on Terrorrism, by the way.
Since 2000, the U.S. has spent over $3 billion taxpayer dollars in Colombia where violence and living conditions have only worsened. Armies of state, guerilla troops, FARC, counter-para-contra-militaristic posses, you name it, they have it. Truces don’t mean shit, and shit’s the business. The only way to survive is to become a drug lord.
So, on one side, there’s the US Army, poisoning the crops with crop dusters, eradicating about 4,500,000,000 sqare feet of coca lands. On the other side, drug lords have planted about three times as many more feet of coke plants.

If you’re a cokehead, there’s no need to worry. There’s plenty of snow arriving pretty soon. Transportation methods become more creative every day. The other day, they found coke balloons sewn into dog’s intestines, and every day youngsters die because one of their swallowed balloons bursts.

So what’s the good news? Well, thanks to Bush, a sniff of cocaine means a sniff of DDT and other pesticides (who’s the pest?). I think this problem will solve itself within a couple of years. Knock knock. Hurray, Mr. Bush, hurrah!

Oh, and please, no reactions such as ‘healthy eco drugs’ like on the Phage article… ;-)

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Repudiation · 2005-09-25 22:41 by Hout

The older I become, the more I think that religion is just a reinterpreted saga. Maybe people became guruoid after having visited another country (preferably far away) and presenting a fabulous legend about some saviour, slightly adopted.

Our oldest daughter’s name is Isis Marine. Named after the Egyptian mother goddess. Marine is a link to “Stella Maris” (Star of the Sea, Mary’s nick name) and a combination of the two grandmothers Maria and Ineke. So we got the übermoms of Egyptian and Christian religion and of our own…

I did some research about the legend of Isis, and the resemblance between Egyption and Christian tradition struck me: Mary is a copycat Isis! And Jesus is a copycat Horus!

How many religions are based on the same old romantic myth?
How many opinions are based on a story once heard? That is not even remembered exactly?

I love a good portion of fantasy fiction…

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Ignominious · 2005-09-25 21:49 by Hout

It was kind of a possible nervous situation: we just bought a house and still had to even begin selling our own house. Madness in these times! No sensible person would buy a house first. No, one should sell first, and then start thinking about buying.
Well, we didn’t, and started looking for possible renters. Because in this economical climate, houses can easily stay unbought for a year. We could see it around us.

Anyway, the bottom line is that we sold our house in two weeks.
[Blush…]

I’ve always wondered why politicians and economists tell everybody the Economy is baaaad. Why just don’t they tell everything is going just grrrrreat?
“Come on people, it’s safe to invest, consume and spoil!”
Like a snowball…
Anybody know why they don’t?

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Mire · 2005-08-10 01:35 by Hout

I heard the other day that Wikipedia gets polluted by humorous editors. Like an Adolf Hitler picture presented in an article about George Walker Bush (I am curious how many Google referred visits I will receive thanks to the combination of them two in this post ;-)).

So, isn’t it just the same with this weblogging hype? Since everyone is linking to everyone elses articles. No truth sign dangling there, right?

Is the Internet truely self regulating? Are we mass distorting the truth by infecting associative thinking like this?

Link to me, y’all!

Update (2005/08/10 by Hout): I tried to open http://www.adolfhilter.com (typo on purpose). Talking about curiosity. Better not write about kiddy porn the next few years. Big brother’s also watching me...

Update (2005/09/26 by Hout): I found a cool variation on Warhol’s “15 minutes of fame” statement: “15 minutes of Hitler”. You’re not a somebody unless an oponent has compared you with Hitler. At least once in your lifetime…

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Babi Lon · 2005-08-01 00:56 by Hout

I remembered the Chinese tale of how cooking was invented. When a pig, accidentally roasted in a house fire, turned out to be tasty (why taste it? Why?), it was realized that roast pork could be had again if only another house burned down. Unfortunately, several houses were lost before a less costly method could be devised, but eventually, it is said, cooking was born.

There is plenty of talk these days about Indigo children, the specially
gifted young generation that is said to be with us now.

(I admit I had to try hard not to link to my daughter’s photo page with that indigo link ;-))

Only few have heard of the Chernobyl generation. Yet, according to
Russian doctors who have been keeping close track of the children
exposed to radiation following the 1986 nuclear disaster in the
Ukraine, there is strong evidence of a superior group.
Kids growing up in areas damaged by the radiation are said to
have higher IQs and faster reaction time. They also reportedly are
growing faster and have stronger immune systems. Professor Vladimir Mikhalev from Bryansk State University told the British newspaper The Sun, that his research showed the mental agility and health of kids in affected areas was clearly superior to those from unaffected areas.

You understand that this requires some more experiments. So any nuclear power plant adjacent city for guinea pig?

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Eloquence · 2005-07-26 01:13 by Hout

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Omnipotent · 2005-07-25 00:51 by Hout

We don’t need religion, we’ve got Science!
Science has decided that there is no room for a diety in the model of reality. And once again, we have a dogma. Only this time a clever one.

Everything we perceive has to pass the gates of interpretation before it gets stored in our memory (‘perceive’ in Dutch is ‘waarnemen’, litterally ‘to take [for] true’). And that’s the Science Dogma.
It is based on ancient Greek philosophy (logic) and for thousands of years, we’ve been passing on this ‘power of the ratio’. So now we believe what our mind tells us, easy as 2+2=4.

Trying to skip the interpretation of perception is not too easy to do. Try it, you’ll see. I believe that only there, in the short instance of time between occurrance and interpretation, lies the real reality.

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Reinvigoration · 2005-07-20 00:16 by Hout

Yes, I do read (must … read … more). Yes, I love the fantasy genre. No, I haven’t read any Harry Potter books. Why not? So many adults read the stuff. Well…

Because it’s a ph|_|x1n9 children’s book!
...And my daughters are too young for it.

At first, I was ashamed that the level of adult imagination is at such an appearant very low level. Mankind seems to seek refuge in a McImagination. Fast food for fantasy.

On the other hand, It’s nice that it happens. It will probably boost the sales (I mean, increase the mental penetration, of course) of the whole genre.

On the first hand again, It should happen in our heads.

On the other hand, I’m blogging now too…

Argh… Well, here’s some childish food for your fantasy that I did enjoy…

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Essencelessness · 2005-07-18 23:58 by Hout

Fear:

  1. be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; “I fear a terrorrist attack near my office building.”
  2. be afraid or scared of; be frightened of; “I fear the summers in the desert”; “We should not fear the Muslims!”
  3. be sorry; used to introduce an unpleasant statement; “I fear I won’t make it to the demonstration”
  4. concern: an anxious feeling; “they hushed it up out of fear of public reaction”
  5. be uneasy or apprehensive about; “I fear the results of the security referendum”
  6. reverence: regard with feelings of respect and reverence; consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of; “Fear God as your father.”
  7. a profound emotion inspired by a deity; “the fear of Allah.”
  8. an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight).

We all fear something. That’s not only because of the many definitions around (most people fear in multiple definitions). We seem to have accepted to live by fear. First, there was the sabre-tooth, and via plagues and flues, we got the Commies. And now, the terrorrists. A luxury problem, when you think of it, since terrorrists kill far few than other fearables (traffic, tobacco?).

Anyway, what’s keeping me busy is the question why we torment ourselves with this fear. It seems we create this fear in our minds, collectively, just to keep us away from ourselves (rather: our Selves). And we flee and flight, even farther and further away.
There is absolutely nothing to gain, so why do we do it? We do not want torment, do we?

So it has to be our inability to act otherwise. Or, better said, our inability to not-act. Since it is our mind that creates this pain (yes, fear is pain), we have to shut it up. Here, and Now.

So go feed your mass hysteria on this.

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Phage · 2005-07-15 00:18 by Hout

I’ve had it.
I tried to find out why people don’t care what’s on their plates. Of course, if you survey officially, everyone is is (honestly) concerned about food quality and more or less aware that they’re not aware what they’re eating.
But if you want to discuss these matters in public (nice subject for boring birthdays. I’m usually a kitcheneer until most folks are gone), one is easily being joked away, veganized.
I tried to talk about it, but I’ve given up. Somehow I always ended up in a defensive role. The food marketeers have subliminally penetrated truth.
Let mankind destroy itself quickly, please.
Now this is evolution!

Hurrah!

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Artifactual intelligence · 2005-07-14 08:15 by Hout

Or: Raiders of the lost mind.

Jesus Christ was nailed to the cross. You can imagine that the four nails that were used to keep the meat on the stick are religious artifacts. But, according to myth, the (gypsy) craftsmen crafted five nails for Jesus’s crucifixion, not four. The fifth nail was meant to pierce his heart.
The gypsies hid the fifth nail from the Roman soldiers. Some stories
say the gypsies were punished by God for prolonging Christ’s suffering [skazam!], and in others they were rewarded for attempting to protect him [angelic hallelujahing].

So if you want to do bad things, think of this myth. You can always get away with it morally, if you use (or rather do not use) a ‘fifth nail’ in your evil scheme.

Take Joe, a convicted sex offender. He served his time and blogged about his rehab proces. He tried hard not to let the evil demons capture him again.
He lost. May 13, 2005. His last post.
Joe was captured on July 2.

So, intelligent audience of Hout / Log, what is your reaction: Do we use the fifth nail to put him out of his misery, or will we be rewareded for attempting to protect him?

Update (2005/07/20 by Hout): Still no comments on this post. Hope I didn’t overrate their intelligence, or underrate their cowardness to decide?

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